Does this duck hat make me look fat? I think it makes me look delicious! In fact, I’m going to go get some fried chicken as soon as I am done writing this (the author is aware that chicken != duck).

We’re going crazy releasing new hats. It’s totally nuts. Here’s what’s new today:

Queen’s Guard Hat – You can’t even begin to think about protecting the Queen without one of these English Queen’s Guard hats. If you were a queen, would you want some schlub in a baseball cap protecting you? No.

Blue Hat With Crazy Big Earflaps – Going down to North Park to have yourself a time? You need this blue ushanka to fit in.

Mr. Quackers – Mr. Quackers is leetness in duck form. You know it to be true. Nothing more needs to be said.

– Telamon